“Angel, ha! She’s a female! And all females is poison! They’re full of wicked wiles!” ~Grumpy, Disney’s Snow White
One week after I had ended my bible study group I hosted a graduation celebration for the women in my group. It had only been a week but the poison was on the inside and it was slowly spilling out. I didn’t see it coming and I didn’t know where it had come from.
For 10 months we had gotten together just about every Friday night to open our Bibles and study different topics. The things that I learned in preparing to teach were priceless lessons. My faith expanded. My eyes opened. My heart enlarged. Jesus was the center and my focus.
So, how was it possible that I went from being the woman who was singled out for her joy and peace to being poison?
In the beginning there was FEAR
It was at a family gathering in September when two of my cousins’ wives approached me and, using what seemed to be a tag-team approach, they attempted to convince me to host a family bible study. I gave them every excuse why I couldn’t. I had never taught. I wasn’t equipped. We didn’t have a location big enough to accommodate our family. The list went on but with every excuse I presented they rebutted. They weren’t looking for a Bible scholar; they simply wanted me to explain what had changed so drastically in my life and wanted me to share how they too could have what they described as a confidence, peace and joy. They wanted what I had! We could meet in their homes. All I had to do was show up with a lesson and be prepared to answer their MANY questions.
I almost allowed fear to keep me from this opportunity and then the Lord reminded me of the second Willow Creek Global Leadership Summit I had attended just a few weeks before. After two days of inspirational lectures, lots of crying as I was broken before the Lord we were all challenged. The assignment was to make a commitment; to write on a piece of clay that they had given out what my take away from that conference was. It would be between me and the Lord. There would be no need to share and they wouldn’t be collected. As I wrote with tears streaming down my face I realized that this would be a milestone in my life.
I saved my tile, it sits on my desk as a constant reminder. This is what I wrote:
In over my head?
I immediately began to seek the Lord for wisdom and a fresh anointing. In my own flesh or, in my own ability, I was in over my head but the Lord kept reminding me that He would equip me and guide me. From day one He was faithful to meet me every week.
My routine was pretty simple. On Saturday morning I would begin to pray for direction. I would open The Word and ask Him to show me what it was that He would want me to share. I’d spend the next 5 days reading and studying and on Friday I’d pretty much cut the world off and spend the day fasting and in prayer. When I was still working I would go home during my lunch break and spend that time in prayer.
Roles are reversed
Fast forward only one week later and it’s now my turn to learn something I should have known. It was Friday, June 23rd and my niece and cousin were graduating from elementary school. Apparently I made a comment that wasn’t typical of me. Then there was a second comment. One of the women from my group, overheard what I had said. She stopped and with a puzzled expression asked me if I was ok. I said yes and asked why. She told me what I had said and asked again if I was okay. I’m sure she was remembering the 4 week series we covered on the power of our words and how our words are a reflection of what is in our hearts.
I wasn’t even aware of what I had said. This was definitely strange. I assured her that I was okay but I knew something was off. I was grumpy from the inside out! I had been feeling grumpy all week but I didn’t know why. I said a quick prayer, asked the Lord to bring anything in my heart that shouldn’t be there to the surface and went on my way.
Then, quite suddenly, there it was, the answer or the explanation for my grumpiness and for the words that shocked my friends. I was missing something and while I didn’t know what it was my soul knew. I had wrapped up Bible study and hadn’t picked up my Bible in a week. An entire week!
The Bible is alive, it speaks to me; it has feet, it runs after me; it has hands, it lays hold of me.” ~Martin Luther
The Word of the Lord pursued me! It chased me down. The moment I recognized what the problem was and opened the word it was like finding a swimming pool in the middle of the desert and diving in head first. Sweet relief!
A lifestyle for life, not just for a season
The truth is we never stop learning. We never stop growing. We can never think we’ve reached a place of ultimate satisfaction, where we can say that we’ve arrived and we’re done reading, studying, pursuing the Lord, spending time in His presence. I needed the Lord, my soul needed the Word of God, alive and active in me. The abrupt end in my routine was a shock to my system. One that I never want to get used to.
This morning I woke up at 5:30, started that 5k training and jumped right back into my routine of spending time with the Lord and studying the Word. I may be achy but not too achy to turn the pages. It has been a phenomenal day!
Aren’t you grateful we serve a merciful God that gives us some leeway but doesn’t let us go completely?
Can you remember a time that He dealt with you with loving kindness and like the Good Shepherd that He is, He WENT TO YOU and simply redirected you? These are the moments we need to constantly remind ourselves of and encourage each other with.
These women will will be a constant reminder of that.
Sonia Castillo says
I loved that piece of writing!
That is such a beautiful picture of you and the girls…I like that Kelly and Nicole hold up that awesome Scripture. The picture speaks to my heart and every time I see it tears fill my eyes…tears of joy. I may not have been there in the physical, but I feel so much a part of this journey with you and them! I rejoice with you all because I know that they will never be the same again. Love you all and I could not be prouder than I am right now!
Sigue hacia adelante cariño…porque largo camino te resta. Te quiero mucho y seguiré parada en la brecha contigo!
Diana Denis says
yes, you were/are a huge part of what we accomplished this year. your prayers were coveted and your feedback was critical. thank you for all you've done. God is good ALL the time!
PS thank you for being an encouragement to each of us!
Gabrielle Meyer says
Hi, Diana. Your story and example of the Word pursuing you is refreshing and just what I needed to read today! Thank you for the reminder that we've never reached perfection and we always need to grow. I loved what you wrote here today and your heart for the Word of God.
Diana Denis says
Hi Gabrielle, I am so blessed to know that my experience encouraged you. What a humbling privilege to be used by God in this way. The truth is, I have to consistently remind myself of His unmerited favor. If not I would be worn out by my constant failure.
Be encouraged. He wants us to grow but He doesn't leave us alone to figure it out. He provides all that we need! Ephesians 2:8 For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith – and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God – (NIV)