The foundation for #RealLove is to MAKE LOVE a verb. HAHAHA! Sure, that play on words was a little sneaky but this is too important for us to miss! And, it looks like I have your attention. It’s Valentine’s Day. Can I set aside the norm and talk to you about real love?
Dear Husband and Wife,
I hope I have your permission to be completely honest here because I think we all want it and when we find it we want it to last forever we just don’t know how’ve to make it last.
Do you remember what it felt like when you were first dating, when you were engaged? It was a special time. Planning the wedding made you the center of attention leading up to your big day and that was a lot of fun!
The wedding day rolled around and you were drop dead gorgeous, on an emotional high, with the people you love the most swooning and fussing over you. We could all get used to that, right?
You figured out how to make the magic of your relationship come to life in a tangible way so that everyone will see that you are perfect for each other and that you are crazy, madly, deeply in love. And, it happened. There was magic everywhere and you posted the pictures on Facebook and Instagram to prove it. Prefectory posed selfies and all. I know. I’ve seen them and posted some myself.
The honeymoon (be it in Alaska, Hawaii or some no-tell motel on the south side of any city) was probably MUY CALIENTE.
We’re being honest here, right? C’mon, that’s the easy part!
You eventually got back home. Those pictures were neatly organized in albums (or cd’s or somewhere online). You even splurged on the supersized portrait of your first kiss and it hangs proudly…somewhere. Love and passion is were in the air.
We’re being honest here, right? C’mon, that’s the easy part!
You eventually got back home. Those pictures were neatly organized in albums (or cd’s or somewhere online). You even splurged on the supersized portrait of your first kiss and it hangs proudly…somewhere. Love and passion is were in the air.
You don’t know how it happened but eventually some areas of the house slowly become disorganized, the socks on the floor making you cringe, carrying the laundry and the groceries up and down stairs is frustrating, the bills are piling up, and the routine is boring you.
The make up came off, the beard started to grow and the glitz and glamour have started to fade. The magical memories are becoming a distant memory and you each take up residence on your own side of the bed, leaving the cuddling to the honeymooners.
The make up came off, the beard started to grow and the glitz and glamour have started to fade. The magical memories are becoming a distant memory and you each take up residence on your own side of the bed, leaving the cuddling to the honeymooners.
Inhale. Exhale. Sound familiar?
Have you started to wonder if you made the right choice. It’s a sobering thought. In fact, you don’t even want to think anymore.
But, let’s be clear on something, choosing the right person and choosing to stay are two very different things. Ugh. I know all about that.
My husband and I had that conversation more than once over the past 20 years. And, each time we had to be reminded of what it meant to love-–to be in love, stay in love and make more love.
Does that play on words make where I’m going clear? I’m intentionally hitting you where it hopefully makes sense. Otherwise, when the glamour of the wedding day and the passion of the honeymoon start to fade, you’ll be in as much trouble as we once were. We almost didn’t make it the last go around.
Some of my friends even agreed, it was time to let go and start fresh. Staying married is hard. When we start doubting our status the world will do its best to convince us that we’ve made a bad choice and that someone else out there will get us like our husbands don’t. Like our wives don’t. Outside influences will try to prove that there has to be someone else out there that was made just for you. A better choice. A different choice.
Those are dangerous thoughts to entertain because…
Love isn’t limited to a feeling. It’s an action…continual action and a continual choice. Once you’re married you’ve already chosen. I’m not talking about abusive relationships or infidelity. There are pastors and counselors to help couples deal with those kinds of issues.
I’m talking to the quitters, who, like my husband and I, considered giving up because it wasn’t as easy to stay in love as it was to fall in love.
I’m talking to the quitters, who, like my husband and I, considered giving up because it wasn’t as easy to stay in love as it was to fall in love.
It’s up to you to make more love and stay in love. Are you up for the challenge? Are you thinking about ways to be loving even now, as you read this?
We protect the things we love. Are you protecting your relationship or covering your spouse? Maybe you’ve never thought about it. Here’s something to consider — can we learn a few things about protecting our relationships from the military?
Thr military is successful because they are strategic.
- They plan for success. They know the goal, they communicate well, and they strategize to get there.
- They protect each other and they fight for their lives. TOGETHER.
- They are really intentional about their defenses. They don’t wait for the enemy to cross the line to prepare their defenses…they put checkpoints in place way before that happens. They shore up their weak points. Someone is always watching and waiting.
- They’re ready to respond before an enemy gets too close.
All of these little steps minimizes their exposure and keeps their enemy from getting a foothold in their camp. It took my husband and I too long to figure this out. Never let anyone into the sacred places of your marriage.
Military’s didn’t pack up and go home after the first World War. They learned some lessons, put up new defenses and developed new strategies.
Imagine what this world would be like if countries spent billions on military equipment and hosted a fabulous launch party but had no plan in place to protect their interests. Sounds ridiculous, I know. But this is what we’re doing. We’re spending tons of money on amazing weddings and we neglect to invest in the marriage.
My husband and I have fought some painful battles. We barely won the first and second war on our marriage. We’re not perfect but we’ve decided divorce isn’t an option. He is mine and I am his. Permanently.
We’ve had to circle back a few times to hit the reset button and you know what? It’s worked so we keep revising. We know there will be another attack on outcome marriage but we’re not sitting ducks anymore. Now we have a solid strategy and we keep our defenses up.
Military’s didn’t pack up and go home after the first World War. They learned some lessons, put up new defenses and developed new strategies.
Imagine what this world would be like if countries spent billions on military equipment and hosted a fabulous launch party but had no plan in place to protect their interests. Sounds ridiculous, I know. But this is what we’re doing. We’re spending tons of money on amazing weddings and we neglect to invest in the marriage.
My husband and I have fought some painful battles. We barely won the first and second war on our marriage. We’re not perfect but we’ve decided divorce isn’t an option. He is mine and I am his. Permanently.
We’ve had to circle back a few times to hit the reset button and you know what? It’s worked so we keep revising. We know there will be another attack on outcome marriage but we’re not sitting ducks anymore. Now we have a solid strategy and we keep our defenses up.
If your goal is to stay in love, watch your grandchildren grow up together, and you want to “make” more love long after the pharmacist has run out of little blue pills and you’ve lost all your hair then you might want to get together with your spouse and come up with a game plan to stay in love.
It’s Valentine’s Day. What are you doing to make love and stay in love? Wouldn’t it be an awesome lesson for your children and children’s children?
Take 20 minutes to invest in yourselves and in your marriage. Watch the short video below by Andy Stanley and ask yourselves the tough questions.
What are you willing to do to protect each other? Have you put a safe perimeter around your relationship? Do you know what the warning signs of trouble are? Are you praying for wisdom and insight as a spouse? Have you opened your bibles and highlighted those power verses that continually remind you of your role as a spouse?
Friends, we all need a strategy that will survive the test of time and attempted invasions from a very real enemy. Don’t give up. True love never gives up. Put a strategy in place, protect one other, and fight for your lives!
Then, go make more love happen. <3 Happy Valentine’s Day!
Your friend,
Diana
I’d love to hear from you. If not, I’ll see you back here next month!