On February 15, 2012 I was given notice that the company would be “restructuring” and that my time at the company I had worked for 16 years had come to an end. As the Corporate Director of HR sat across from me and spoke those words all I could come up with was, “it’s been a good run”. And with that I was done. GOD HAD HEARD MY HEART’S CRY and HE ANSWERED! Of course, there was a small part of me that felt rejected, that’s natural I suppose, but there would be no room for ego today. This was an answer to prayer indeed!
I suppose in order for you to appreciate my excitement and my perspective I’ll have to rewind a bit to the point where my career began…
Part 1: The dream that died
I had just finished my first semester of college, in a new relationship with a long time friend, and pregnant. I was 18, enrolled in a good college and on a full scholarship. I knew I could make a difference in this world if I finished school and became a teacher or a social worker (careers I had set my sights on when I was in the 5th grade).
I had a lot of decisions to make. I understood that the road I would choose would have a ripple affect on the rest of my life. I quit school and did what I knew I could do well; I decided to be the best wife and mom I could be I would give it 110% and burry the dream of changing the world.
I was offered the first job I considered and spent the next three years working at a school for special education children close to home. After three years I moved to Florida with my husband and then two kids. When that didn’t work out I came back to NY and got a great job at a publishing company.
I was doing well, I had been promoted me to Executive Assistant and I was content, until the phone call came in 1999. My previous employer, in that small school in Brooklyn, was adding a daycare component, and they needed a bilingual person who had a connection to their community with marketing experience to assist in this new endeavor. Lunch at Peter Luger’s with the Executive Director included an offer I couldn’t refuse…I was really missing my kids and the flexible schedule was too sweet to pass up! Oh, did I mention that by this time I had 3 little girls? We were doing well and our family was growing. The timing was perfect!
Time flies when you’re burning out!
In 2008 my employer enrolled me in a certification program at Cornell and I was taking courses in preparation for an expansion (this was surely favor from the Lord). I finally got around to going back to school. There were building renovations to manage, permits and applications to be completed, staff to hire and a busy home life to balance. With respect to my career I believed I was doing well but I was burned out.
It’s 10 years later and that special ed program added the daycare component they wanted and they believed the community was ready for us to go bigger! My role drastically changed and as Operations Director of this private school I had a lot to learn and even more to do. A second building and two separate programs were being added. It would be a make-it or break-it year for me. I didn’t want to shame the Lord. Failure was never an option.
For me, success meant working hard to prove myself and working my staff just as hard. I was starting year four of my break-up with the Lord and my choices were taking a toll on me. My professional life was killing me and my personal life was a disaster but I kept pushing and working work until. Spiritually, I was virtually depleted so the stress weighed me down to the point where I was no longer healthy and I couldn’t function. The fighting with my siblings, the division in my own home, it was all too much. I eventually had a nervous breakdown.
Something changed…
Over the course of the last two years God grabbed a hold of me, He rescued me from my destructive behavior and caught me on my downward spiral mentally and emotionally. I was no longer impressed with my sense of success at work. I fell out of love with the job, with the constant rush and the pressure, and I fell head over heals in love with the Lord. He became all that I needed and my focus was reset; I slowly discovered I no longer wanted to pursue my own desires.
I began to serve the Lord with all of me. I started to love the people I worked with; I felt a new sense of responsibility to them. I felt an even greater need to serve hurting people in my community. WHAT A PARADIGM SHIFT!
It took a lot for me to go from that low point to this new place and I didn’t want to go back. I couldn’t. So, that summer I started praying for God to release me from this job; I just couldn’t do it anymore. I also knew it would mean the loss of a comfortable salary and benefits but I learned you can’t put a price tag on peace or joy. I had spent a year doing volunteer work at The Legacy Center (a non-profit in NY) and I was thoroughly enjoying making a difference; a small contribution but a meaningful contribution nonetheless.
The more time went by, the more I started asking Him to help me figure out how I could continue to do my job without tarnishing His reputation and without compromising. I wasn’t able to keep up with the demands of the job without compromising myself. I was hoping He would work out my finances so that I could take some time off to do Kingdom work and finish writing my book.
So here we are, it’s January 2012 and I know that God has something special and unique in store for me.
I had a long list of requests before God but I brought my requests to Him BOLDLY (Hebrews 4:16) and WITH CONFIDENCE, EXPECTING that He would come through big time because I serve a God that is able to do exceedingly and abundantly above what I could imagine (Ephesians 3:20).
What else is God capable of and what’s around the corner for me? In time He will reveal it all (slowly, I’m sure). All I know for now is that I am going to enjoy my time off. I’m going to constantly remind myself of my life verse, “be still” (Psalm 46:10) and trust Him. I’m going to study the word and seek Him without ceasing because He has something for me for this time, this new season in my life (Esther 4:14) and I NEED to be ready come what may.
Next time you start to think that the world is falling apart around you check out Jeremiah 29:11 and just ask Him what’s next…
So I guess I should throw this back to you. Do you expect to have your own happily ever after? Is there an area in your life where you could benefit from changing your perspective? If you look to Him and ask Him for direction, if you trust that He is doing things for you and not to you the whole world will change right before your eyes!
So I guess I should throw this back to you. Do you expect to have your own happily ever after? Is there an area in your life where you could benefit from changing your perspective? If you look to Him and ask Him for direction, if you trust that He is doing things for you and not to you the whole world will change right before your eyes!
Learning and Sharing as I journey to KNOW and reflect Him,
Diana Denis
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Sonia Castillo says
I couldn't be a prouder Auntie than I am right now my darlin as I have Christin you…my ESTHER. It is for such a time as this that God has called you and praise God for you have answered. Doesn't matter how many tsunamis rise up against you…you are walking with the one who can calm any tsunami no-matter how high or how raging it gets. You know the God who has called you and told you to Be Still. Awesome huh? Awesome that we can trust that in midst of it all we have tasted and we know that He is good.
Press on my darlin Esther and know without a shadow of doubt that he is and will be with you even when the winds rise and want to knock you off your boat. I love you and I am standing in the gap with you. Always remember…He has not seen the just forsaken. He will provide because He is God our provider…I love you!
Jennifer Roth says
I am so filled with anticipation and excitement for you! Thanks for sharing what the Lord is doing. He is an awesome God. I look forward to reading more as you continue to blog. Love you!